Troy Gipson (Friendly Neighborhood Skater, Aquarius) has almost everything he could ever want or need, except for - his sense of taste and smell, one 400 ounce bar of solid gold, a black chow chow puppy, and J dilla’s original mpc 3000.

Ella Estlund (Beautiful Woman, Pisces) is sentimental, and you, Santa, are of very little use to her. She wants pho dates, camping trips, sleepovers, personalized mixtapes, and art projects. But for the purpose of conversation let’s cut the crap and talk material goods - she wants a scanner, a new bike, walkie talkies, “rocks and books”, framed photos of family, hand knit slippers, liger’s (supposedly the best cookies in florida) merch, magnets (presumably for her fridge?), play dough, a little portable clip speaker, and seth rogen’s ‘houseplant’ rolling and ash tray which is completely sold out, so goodluck! 

Andrea Jacob (Producer, Scorpio) wants Heattech, cashmere socks, tall Ugg boots, pajamas, and Airpods. She is a woman who appreciates the simple things in life, a creature of comfort (and media consumption). 

James Mckinnon (Chef, Leo) wants the Kapital sashiko fleece in Cream, the Wales Bonner blue London track set, Visvim beige jumbo eiger sanction cargo pants, Suicoke brown ZAVO-2EU sandals, and Salomon xt6’s. What else do you get for a man who already has everything? (A plethora of hot women, and a car in New York City). You get him things that will get him out of said city, to be alone, with his thoughts and his vehicle. Things like a 16’ Fernweh Bell tent, a Mossberg 590 Shockwave spx, and a Yeti Cooler. (Sounds reasonable to me). Mckinnon also wants a new bottle of Neroli 36, his signature fragrance - for when he’s back from his long awaited wilderness hiatus and reunited with his hot female friends.

Eileen Kelly (Educator, Public Figure, Leo) kept it short and sweet this year. She was too busy giving wishlist advice to others, recording her podcast and being hot in Miami. She is asking Santa for a diamond tennis bracelet and a taxidermy ostrich.

Nick Lucio (Father, Footwear Designer, Taurus) wants Brooks running shoes, socks and underwear (unspecified), a Pangaia 365 hoodie, Hermes poker chips, a private jet (come on Santa), a Cartier cigar ring, a “vintage” YSL collared shirt, less grey hair, 20 black bic lighters, and a can opener - to which he added “don’t ask.”

Quinn Mora (Model, Virgo) wants Balenciaga suede city bag, and spring/summer 2003 aviator shirt, and a knit scarf from a friend (that probably means me). She wants more tokidoki’s (because beautiful women collect japanese figurines and archival Balenciaga), a cashmere blanket, a facial from daphne, eames barstools in aqua sky, more Celine, and a strong man to install her Joseph Olisaemeka Wilson painting. 

          
            

Myles Xavier (Designer, Pisces) Dear Santa, my friend Myles Xavier has a long list, beginning with “kiko k maiden boots” and ending with “19th century naga tribe beaded necklace,” but please, follow with me. He would like long johns from the 40’s, these are very important, it is so cold in New York. A judy turner channing knit, reversible t shirts, a coyote fur coat, an early 90’s Armani suit (we’re giving you a lot of freedom with this one). Airpod max in silver, an Hermes airtag bag charm in rouge piment (pee-mont), a Freitag messenger bag and a dog or a tarantula. He needs a rimowa classic check in, when I asked which color, he reminded me the classic check in is classic because it only comes in silver - that’s important. He also wants hand carved antique dice made of bone or Hermes fortune-telling dice in palladium, Hampton chrome beauty-grip dumbbells, and the new rick owens sunglasses (the clear ones, check vogue runway). If you have time, please get him antique ceramic sake cups, big pharma promotional merchandise like a klonopin hat or vyvanse underwear, and a 19th century naga tribe beaded necklace (as mentioned earlier).

       
       

Sirena Warren (Model, Capricorn) is one of the best dressed women below 14th street. So obviously she wants Carel shoes, white puddle boots and her favorite necklace that she lost in Paris (a Nicky Butler cross necklace)(it’s probably at Disney Paris). She also wants 90’s printed denim, a red wool coat, and a one shoulder top (all by Robert Cavalli), for good measure please get her a sexy little vintage Fred C dress, and a Nana inspired hat (best dressed as I said). Last but not least, she needs the Nausicaa of the Valley of the Wind OST on vinyl.

   
     

Isa Berland (Producer, Virgo) is redecorating and she wants a paranoidtiers ‘only mirrors cause reflection’ drawing, the spiderhunter hand dyed sheepskin from earthlanding project, in memory of the present by sophie douala, second sight by sarah walker, and the savana dance ashtray by Hermes. She also wants Acne Studios white leather boots -she will wear them while she sits in her sheepskin chair, reading her new books, and ashing purposefully in her new ashtray. 

       

Kevin Lombardo (Filmmaker, Gemini) wants grey socks, Calvin Klein cotton briefs, multivitamins (dealers choice), a mamiya 6 35mm camera, and a fender mustang in 2-tone sunburst. Lombardo is also std-free, he wanted me to tell you that.

    

Monique Werlinger (Hot Blonde Girl, Business Major, Libra) wants lip filler (1cc) and blonder hair - please prioritize. She also wants a new handbag (she’s thinking Prada), more bikinis (the smaller the better), a new set of nintendo switch controllers, a portable charger, laser hair removal, onitsuka tiger sneakers, tatcha skincare products, and Skims shapewear. She also wants her Instagram account reinstated, if you happen to have a contact at Instagram.

               

Chandler Lucy (Musician, Thinker, Aries) wants a tascam model 12 all in one studio mixer, two pairs of Nike fly knit zoom racing shoes (because he will inevitability fry one pair right out of the gate), a 2022 ford bronco raptor to replace his piece of shit VW Passat, and peace in Afghanistan. 

    

Lola Dement Myers (Artist, Entity, Scorpio) has amazing taste and an elaborate list of wishes. LOLA wants a panasonic gel remote control, a lite phone, a Super73-S1 in black, Celine planet boots, credit card noguchi, test tile by khio ceramics + gitte, mothers tankstation by yuri pattison, a popsicle stick crossbow, nong rak super organic knitwear, bless rock phone case, bless N°26 cable jewellery, I. T. I. L. O. E. by constance de jong, portraits by rineke dukstra, Gum nr.32 by lange verlag, molo paper softwall, doll by kataoka meriyasu, menilite rock, zoomorphic figure (boli) from mali, valenki (felt boots), mug on a clip, vestax pmc-005 mk2 scratch mixer, birkenstock a630 41, bottega veneta paper bag, frid blocking sleeve, a cheerio necklace, moon museum, outofseam knitwear, oldbrother wax puffer in natural, altar of peace by george nakashima, and the color of light by peter alexander. Metaphysically she wants daylight, discipline, shame, humility, to disengage, blind confidence, sincerity, poor image, to refrain from most things, and to stop wanting. If you require a more extensive list, please find it here. 

            
       

Sage William (Retired Barista, Leo) wants apple airpods max in silver, an upgraded version of his current bike - the linus roadster sport 3i in black, USMC P-44 utility pants by bronson, the nesso table lamp in white, mushrooms to kill a little bit of his ego, “a nice girlfriend” (he wants his ex back), a lot more money (because money buys happiness), and more gold jewelry. He would also like to be “peeled and massive” for Christmas, so maybe some chinese medicinal roots. Or steroids. And a therapist - he didn’t put that on his list but I think it would make a really good last minute gift.

    

Hunter Boyd (Influencer, Scorpio) is shopping for himself, and his darling cat. He needs the Moshiqa x Christian Cowan Diamond Cat Necklace and wants a Vintage burgundy Hermes Evelyne bag in smooth leather. Additional wishlist items include a Printed Matter book circle membership, a Spike mag jana euler 1000 piece puzzle, the Hippie Modernism book, a Carini arts OnlyFans hoodie, and M&M’s customized with his photo. In the spirit of customizable goods please get him BIC lighters with photos of his cat, a Tiffany cat bowl that is engraved with the word “cat.” and monogrammed white hand towels (with Hunter’s initials, not the cats). Please consider stuffing his stocking with a Vladimir Putin Dammit doll, a JW Anderson Penis key ring accessory “thing,” and Gammarelli socks (to which he credits era and the Pope and daniel day lewis in phantom thread) or at the very least get him a bouquet of tulips (they’re his favorite flower).

Bella M Lucio (Extremely Multifaceted, Leo) Dear Santa, as I told you in person, I want a French taxidermy stoat, and this is high-priority as it ships from France. I also want a fortessa faceted silverware set, a Chloe python betty bag in cream, Bottega Veneta puddle boots in sea salt, and a vintage bang & olufsen record player, or the record player from my room in palm springs, but you will have to figure out shipping. And if you do get me a record player, I want more records - a few suggestions are st.paul & the broken bones ‘half the city’, blancmange ‘happy families’, the english beat ‘special beat service’, the xanadu soundtrack, sufjan stevens ‘songs for christmas’ and the mama’s and the papa’s ‘if you can believe your eyes and ears’.

   
       

Thank you in advance Santa, it was very nice to meet you. Talk soon. 
With love, Bella M Lucio.